Stress and sex don’t go together… As a woman breadwinner, when you find yourself thinking more about the piled up dirty laundry than you do about dirty talk with your spouse, there’s a problem.  However, when there’s only 24 hours in a day and you feel responsible for more than you can carry, one of the first things to get relegated to the “I’ll worry about that later” to-do list is sex… and that’s when the problems start.

For women, sex tends to be about connection and intimacy.  The more a woman feels cared for and listened to, the more open she is to sex.  For a man, his way of showing caring and intimacy (and his way of feeling valued or loved by his spouse) takes the form of sex.  He shows his love (and he feels loved) when sex happens.  The problem comes in when a woman breadwinner comes home to a dirty house with dishes unwashed, toys not picked up, kids still needing help with homework, and no dinner on the table… after a 12 hour work day.  At this point, love is the last thing on her mind and stress is the only thing she can feel.  What occurs is a circular argument that continues every single time this scenario occurs and the more the couple argues, the more distance builds between them and the less intimacy occurs.

For men, the stress can also cause the sex drive to go down.  A man who expects to be constantly nagged by his wife or be dictated to as if she were his mother doesn’t inspire warm and tingly feelings.  On both sides, there’s resistance and a lack of desire.

So… when you recognize that the sex is decreasing and the stress is increasing, what do you do about?

1) Get adequate sleep.  It’s amazing how inadequate sleep affects mood, attitude, and sex drive.  The queen in you doesn’t come out full throttle unless you’ve had adequate sleep.

2) Have a conversation with your spouse about your stress.  Have a compassionate, clear, open conversation (not blaming or shaming) where you share feelings and collaborate on solutions.

3) Reclaim your divine feminine by doing AT LEAST 3 activities that bring your sexy back.  Exchange the sweats for a flowing skirt.  Delegate mowing the lawn and picking up fall leaves and go get a manicure and pedicure.  Reclaim your feminine power in whatever way feels good to you.

4) Act your way into feeling rather than waiting to feel your way into action.  I said it.  Sometimes, you have to commit to having sex before you actually get in the mood.  It is what it is.

Again, sex is a need.  It sends a message.  It nurtures a marriage.  When it begins to dwindle, pay attention and address the issue quickly…