Are You a Woman in Your 30s, Single, and Serious About Having Kids Before You Turn 40? 5 Reasons Why You NEED to Start a Business NOW… (Read Time: 4 min.)

PregnantThe biological clock… I used to think it was a myth… in my 20s… And it is a myth, of sorts. But here’s the reality of female reproduction:

As women, we have a very small window (esp. after you figure college, climbing the corporate ladder, a few bumpy relationships, maybe a divorce or two, and then finding ourselves) in which to have babies.

Yes, Halle Berry had a baby at 46.  Yes, Geena Davis was over 40 when she had her first.  Those are the exceptions (and, hello, we don’t really know HOW they accomplished that- let’s not go there).

The reality is that while you can spend your entire life building a career, as a woman, you don’t have your ENTIRE life to have babies.

So what do you do when you’re in your 30s, single, and ULTRA serious about having kids BEFORE you turn 40 (at least baby #1):

Start a business!

Oh, yeah, I said it.

 

Here are 5 reasons why, as a woman wanting to have babies and planning to start a family later in life, entrepreneurship is the way to go:

Reason #1: After all the drama, trauma, and waiting you’re going through to get to Baby #1, the LAST thing you want to do is have that cute, adorable baby and then shuffle him or her off to daycare at Month 3.  For most women, putting babies in day care is a heart-wrenching process and if you don’t want to do it, starting a business is a surefire way to ensure you never have to.  Nanny? Yes.  Baby day care from 6 am to 5 pm Monday through Friday and miss out on all the key moments of those first years? No.

Reason #2: If you don’t want to do the “sacrifice” thing when it comes to mommyhood and your self-care, you’re going to need the kind of money that only entrepreneurship can bring (without the crazy work hours and schedule that higher income jobs require).  Pedicures, manicures, spa days, girls weekend out in Vegas… they cost money.  And so do diapers, formula, humidifiers, strollers that are cute, playpens that don’t feel like baby jails, jumperoos, and all of those Baby Gap outfits… oh yes, $$$$$$.  The more PROFIT you make, the more disposable income you have to take care of the baby AND you…

Reason #3: Providing for a child long term is an expensive state of affairs.  There’s some number rolling around in articles to the tune of $350,000- the cost to raise ONE child.  They forgot that children don’t always leave at 18.  In fact, they’re now coming home after college more than ever so add $80,000 to that price and you’ve got a 30 year estimate for the first 30 years of your FIRST child’s life.  Multiply that by 3, 4 or 5 if you plan to have more kids.  So, the reality is you get the cute, cuddly babies.  The other reality is they cost money for a lifetime.  Multi-millionaire entrepreneurs have the time, freedom AND money to provide security, nurturing, and love to the children they create.  A 9-5 job will never do that on the same level.

Reason #4: You might want to have the option to raise your children as dual stay-at-home parents who happen to be lifestyle entrepreneurs.  What if you want to raise your children with an ultra-involved spouse who, like you, can drop things at a moment’s notice to take the kids to Aspen or Maui or New York City or Japan?  That doesn’t happen when both you and your spouse are working “day” jobs and let me help you out: doctors, lawyers, pharmacists and engineers may make great money but they still have “day” jobs.  #justsayin

Reason #5: You’d like to enjoy the highs and lows of pregnancy with the option of actually ever having to dress up.  As an online entrepreneur, you can be pregnant, plump and happy making money in your PJs.  Does it take a lot of work to get there? Yes.  Is it totally doable?  Yes.  And, trust me, your swollen feet, big belly, and mid-day craving trips to the store for ice cream will thank you for your entrepreneurial decision.

These are just 5 of the MANY reasons that, as a woman who’s in her 30s, single and planning to have a family SOON, you want to start a business NOW.  It might take you a year (or 2, 3, or 4) to find the right partner, get situated, and get pregnant (contrary to all those after-school specials, in your 30s, “one time” isn’t the norm of what it takes to get pregnant).  Why not use that time of “waiting” wisely?  Build a business that supports your need for personal and financial freedom.  Build the nest for that baby you KNOW is on his or her way.  That way, when you actually have the baby, you’ll also have the time to enjoy this long awaited dream.

Yes, darling, it’s time you ramped up on the business so when the baby comes, you can bask in the miracle of the one thing money can’t buy: the ability to create and nurture new life.  

If you’ve been thinking about a business but you don’t know where to start, join me on a FREE call tomorrow night.  I’m bringing you AMAZING information on clarity and calling, two ingredients that are critical to business success.

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Baby or Business? (Read Time: 4 min.)

mother 2The more time I spend on this journey to having more children, the clearer it becomes that conceiving a baby and birthing a business have opposing needs.  I know there are women who’ve been where I am, building the business that I’m building, and have gotten pregnant, carried twins, and given birth, all while keeping the company flag waving… but I am having trouble keeping 100% dedication to birthing a business AND a baby.

This post is for all the women breadwinners out there who are considering having a baby (first, last or somewhere in the middle)…

I want to get my body geared up for pregnancy… really I do.  But the idea of 7-9 hours of sleep a night, giving up caffeine, getting plenty of sunlight, rest, reducing stress, cleaning up my eating, and following a regular exercise regime all feel and seem contradictory to what it takes to build a 7 figure business as you have other children, other priorities, and other commitments.  I keep waiting for more time to open up… it doesn’t.  I keep hoping I’ll find that “magic pill” or that “magic book” that will give me the 4 hour workweek I need to get it all done… hasn’t shown up yet.  And the one thing that keeps radiating inside of me is something I’m refusing to listen to:

Something’s gotta give…

Yup, I hate that.  I remember when I wanted to conceive my second son.  I lived that truth.  I wanted a baby so badly that I changed my life, my eating, became a personal trainer, dropped 70 pounds, gave up coffee, and got in the best shape of my life just so I could have a shot at getting pregnant… and I did get pregnant… twice.

But, now, years older and with less biological clock time than I had before and more goals than ever, I find myself at a crossroads about what to do.  I’m constantly running the different scenarios in my mind and asking, “Can I REALLY put A down to make room for B?”  And I’m on the fence about it…

At some point, I’m going to be 80-something years old and I’m going to sit in my rocking chair and look back on my entire life… and what will I see?

Will I care, at 80, about the various blog posts I didn’t put up on the site?

Will I be concerned about all the extra hours I didn’t put into the business?

Or will I look back and regret the fact that I gave up my most fertile, reproductive years in pursuit of a level of professional attainment that I had the rest of my life to attain…

See, that puts EVERYTHING into proper perspective.

So I know what I need to do.  I know WHY I need to do it.  The question is:

Will I listen this time and do it?

The jury’s still out on that one.

#tobecontinued…

My Before-I-Get-Pregnant-Next Bucket List (Read Time: 4 min.)

KBibas pic1Most people have a bucket list, the list of all the things they want to do before they leave this lifetime.  I’ve decided to apply the same concept to my pre-pregnancy life now.  Having not been pregnant for 7 years at this point, it’s hard for me to remember what being pregnant felt like.  The pregnancy amnesia has me remembering all the great stuff: the baby kicking, the ultrasounds, seeing that cute, adorable baby for the first time, the first fart-based laugh, and all the giggles and play that comes in.  I have to be very deliberate about reminding me about all the not-so-fun stuff: up every two hours, breastfeeding every two hours, living in sweatpants, poopy diapers that don’t smell like baby powder, chasing after a running, romping toddler while holding a new born… all the stuff that women conveniently forget the moment they hold the precious baby they’ve waited nine months to meet.

Needless to say, I’m older and wiser this time around so I’m going to do something I didn’t do with the other three pregnancies: develop my own Pre-Pregnancy Bucket List.  I have the luxury of doing that because we’re doing in vitro so the timing of pregnancy pretty much comes down to the date we choose and the number of in vitro tries it takes to produce twins (yes, I’m intent on having twins- 2 for the price of one and at $14,000 an attempt, I’ve set a firm intention for twins).

So, without further ado, here’s my Pre-Pregnancy Bucket List:

  1. Take a pole aerial class (or a few if I like it)- think Cirque Du Soleil
  2. Take up mixed martial arts and get down to a fighting weight
  3. Do a month of Bikram Yoga (stick with it if I like it)
  4. Go on a rollecoaster ride- it’s been at least five or so years since I’ve done that
  5. Go on a weekend getaway with my husband to Vegas, Zipline, and enjoy a Mojito (one Mojito is enough for me)
  6. Go to a concert (crying babies and concerts don’t mix)
  7. Go to an NBA or NFL game (again, crying babies and professional sports games don’t mix, not for me anyway)
  8. Take new headshots (I’ve done headshots pregnant; not my preference this time)
  9. Go for a hot air balloon ride or go sky gliding (I barely have enough balance to not topple a CVS aisle pregnant so either of these would not be allowed or wise pregnant)
  10. Go roller or ice skating

There you have it.  I’ve got 40 weeks to get my bucket list done (end goal date: March 24, 2014).

Women Breadwinners & Infertility: How to Not Go Crazy Over the Miracle You Can’t Control… (Read Time: 4 min.)

mom and babyI experienced secondary infertility at the age of 21.  That’s not what doctors call it when you’re 21.  When you’re in your 20s, they call it “Ah, you’re just fine” or “Oh, give it time” or “Just relax and it’ll happen” but they rarely, at 21, call it infertility.  Fast-forward four years and I was pregnant (without fertility treatments) with baby #2.  But, the doctors considered the pregnancy high risk at that point because, at 25, they said, “You have a history of infertility.”  Ok… so now they admit it?  Baby #2 arrived when I was 26 and I rushed to go for baby #3.  I figured, “I’m not getting any younger and if it’s going to take 4 years, I might as well start now.”  So, when baby #2 was weaned at a year, I began the infertility journey… only to get pregnant 2 months later.  Easy breezy, right?  Not exactly.  Somewhere in second trimester, a test came back indicating that baby #3 might have Downs Syndrome.  I nearly had a nervous breakdown.  From the uncertainty of it all (they can’t officially tell you if your baby has Downs until he/she is born) to the lack of care on the part of the medical industry (at one high tech ultrasound, they asked me if I wanted to abort the baby- SERIOUSLY?), I was a mess.  And baby #3 was born PERFECTLY healthy…  I was 28.

Fast forward 7 years and I am now the mother of 3 children: 15, 8 and 6, remarried, and, at 35, anxious to experience motherhood again… only this time I will have to use in vitro to achieve it.  So… back to that wonderful infertility diagnosis?  I guess so.

One of the greatest lessons of this entire infertility experience has been to accept what I cannot control.  I’m a recovering perfectionist, a Type A on one hand and a Type B on the other.  I like to have what I want when I want it.  Who doesn’t?  But going through infertility taught me that some jobs are God jobs.  There’s no planning it, programming it, demanding it or willing it into existence.  It occurs in its own way on its own schedule.  For a woman breadwinner who’s so clear on how to achieve any and everything, this is one of the hardest lessons you will ever learn.  With 14 years of the infertility rollercoaster under my belt, here are some tips I’ve acquired in how to NOT go crazy over the miracle of conception, pregnancy, labor and deliver you CAN’T control:

Tip #1: Be selective about who you share your infertility journey with.  Not everybody gets what it’s like to want something so badly, to see other people have it so easily, and to not be able to do things like go to baby showers without crying or watch movies about new mommies without doubting whether that will ever be you.  While you may want to let everyone know what you’re going through or have people comfort you, not everyone is capable of doing that.  In fact, some people are downright callous when it comes to infertility or they say stupid crap that plants more seeds of doubt in your mind.  Do not allow it.  Guard your heart, guard your mind, and be selective about who you share this journey with.

Tip #2: Stop blaming yourself for this.  Nobody knows why most infertility occurs.  No matter who’s got the issue (and many times, it’s a husband related or male factor problem), blame will not get you what you want.  Guilt is a wasted emotion.  Instead of blame, shame and guilt, use your Type A, overachieving strength to find all of the information you can on your options and find a way to see this experience as bringing you constantly closer to the miracle of life you seek.  Your faith that this will happen is the strongest asset you own.  Do not remove your focus from that.  Remember: focus on your assets, not your liabilities.

Tip #3: Go on with life.  I spent far too many years putting my life on hold waiting for a baby to come.  I put too much energy (esp. in the beginning) focusing on what to eat, prepping a nursery for a baby who wasn’t even here, and all of the stuff that I thought would make me “ready” for a child.  Don’t do that.  Your life is meant to be lived, enjoyed, and it’s supposed to be fulfilling, whether or not a child ever shows up.  Live your life for you and, at the same time, keep your heart open for the space that a new life will fill.  Children choose their parents so whichever soul is supposed to come to you, they know you by name.  They never believe that you’ve forgotten them or that you have no room for them.  In fact, they know exactly when they are supposed to show up for you.  Trust that and go out into the world truly loving and enjoying the life you have right now.  When I was going through infertility, one of the clear messages that came to me was this: You’ve been given time; cherish it.  Three children later, I can’t tell you how powerful that wisdom was.  Between girl scouts, cub scouts, swim team, college prep, and every other part of life, I no longer have the time now that I had back then.  Cherish the time you have.

Tip #4: Be happy for those who have the blessing you seek.  This is a tough one, especially when you’ve worked so hard in your life to do everything “right”, to be fully “ready” for a child and you turn on the news and here’s another story of a teen mom who drops her baby in a garbage can or a crazy mom who has eleven babies she can’t afford.  It’s enough to drive a person crazy!  However, that energy will not bring forth new life.  What you give out comes back to you.  Whatever it is you seek, you have to be willing to give.  No matter who it is, when you see someone who’s pregnant or just had a baby or has small children, think in your mind (and believe in your heart): “Thank you God for this sign that if it can happen for her, it can happen for me.”  Amen…

If you use these four tips, your life will be filled with peace, love and joy.  You’ll usher in new life with more ease and a greater sense of well-being.  Woman breadwinner or not, infertility is not something you can control but it is an experience of life you can receive a lot from.  Be open to it and cherish the time you’ve been given.  After all, dirty diapers and 2 hours of sleep a night waits for no woman!

Tell me about your infertility journey. 

Where are you in the process? 

How are you coping with wait?

What keeps you strong?

What are you struggling with most?

I’d love to hear from you!