How to Apply The 5 Gifts of Heartbreak to Your Business (Read Time: 5 min.)

Kass Cry 1bAfter a recent heartbreak, I took this picture.  Look at it closely.  In my eyes you can see the loss, the pain, and emptiness.  I recovered from that heartbreak as I’d done from many others: a little bit wiser, a lot stronger, and definitely less trusting.

I’ve experienced the loss of love many times.  It started with my dad and never quite shifted form.  I guess that’s what happens when you allow childhood wounds to define your concept of “love.”  I’m working on that…

Until recently, I thought love was THE thing… not “a” thing or “some thing” but THE thing… the defining moment, the required experience, the ultimate accomplishment… and then love left again…

And, since then, I’ve had to ask myself, “When love leaves, what’s left of me?”  As much as I’ve read the books, attended the workshops and devoured the subject, it’s a question that hit me in the gut as I cried myself to sleep.

And here’s the answer that came:

“Everyone falls in love sometimes
Sometimes it’s wrong, and sometimes it’s right
For every win, someone must fail
But there comes a point when
When we exhale” – Whitney Houston, Exhale

The lyrics from a song of one of my favorite movies, a movie that inspired me to write my first screenplay, rediscover my love of acting and, eventually, leave the marriage that was draining the life out of me.  So many monumental moments from one song… and here it was again to teach me the things I didn’t want to learn…

So the question becomes: when your heart breaks and you’ve still got a business to run, how do you transform the feelings of grief, loss, pain, and loneliness into something that fuels the empire you’re building?

Here’s the answer…

You embrace the 5 gifts of heartbreak and you apply them to your business.

Gift #1- Surrender

Heartbreak breaks  you open.  It forces you to let go of things that you don’t want to let go of, to face emotions you don’t want to face, to simplify life in a way that’s not about what you HAVE to have but becomes about what you long to create.  You go from being someone anxious to succeed to being someone who simply wants to take a deep breath and feel at peace.  When your heart breaks, you accept the fact that very few things go according to plan and you begin, once again, to go with the flow… and that’s when magic starts to happen in your business.  No longer confined to goals, plans, strategies, and revenue models, you now operate from a softer, more intuitive place and your business begins to succeed in a different way, not because you’re not as driven but because you understand that it’s trust in yourself that drives your business, not in any plan or strategy you come up with.  Nothing teaches you that better than heartbreak.

Gift #2- Freedom

In relationships, we do all kinds of things we NEVER do outside of them.  We accept things we shouldn’t accept.  We tolerate things we shouldn’t tolerate.  We go silent when it’s time to speak and talk about things we don’t agree with.  We compromise and accept and prove all because we don’t want love to leave… never fully getting that the second we lost ourselves, love was out the door anyway.  When heartbreak comes, the freedom to be who you REALLY are returns… and now you can go into your business full throttle because the REAL you is finally back in the building.  While there are moments where loneliness creeps in, what really shows up with this freedom is an understanding you refused to see when in the relationship: you NEVER have to be someone else for someone who really loves you.  Your newfound freedom gives you full opportunity for you to love YOU… and that’s when the business starts to pick up speed.

Gift #3- Purpose

It’s so easy to get your value and purpose from a relationship.  When your heart gets broken, you can no longer define yourself by being with someone else.  You can no longer live your life based on an “us” or a “we.”  That’s gone now.  In the wake of that loss, you now have to look yourself in the eyes and say, “What is MY purpose?  What am I really about?  Who am I meant to be?”  Those questions can get easily cast aside in a relationship.  Far too often, especially as women, we give up the “I” for the “we” and while that’s noble and glorious and, in some cases, necessary, there’s a lot to lose when you no longer recall who you are or what you want or what God put you here to do.  When heartbreak happens, you finally have enough space and distance to ask and answer the question, “Who did I come here to serve?” and, with full faith and freedom, you now have the extraordinary opportunity and time to serve them.  Purpose, in many instances, is born of heartbreak.  Especially in business, if you can nail down your purpose, you can prosper your business.

Gift #4- Focus

Now that you’re not catering to another person, now that you’re not doing the “How should we… what should we… could we…” compromising thing, you are free to focus completely and totally on the desiring, creating, and offering components that come with running a business.  Not only is it freeing but it’s exciting to be able to give everything you’ve got to your business without the worry of who you need to consider or factor into the equation.  After a heartbreak, you get to put all of your focus into building YOUR empire.  All those times you wished you’d spent more time on your business?  All those moments you said to yourself, “Geez, I really have to get focused and create that product!”?  Guess what?  You now have all the time you need to focus and deliver.  Cherish the gift you’ve been given by using it…

Gift #5- Hope

Heartbreak is a beautiful message of hope when you really understand what it’s saying.  When your heart breaks, it’s life’s way of saying to you “There’s more for you and it’s not here.  Keep looking and you’ll find it… There are gifts for you in this and you can have them right now.  Embrace it… You were built to experience greater things than what you did in this relationship.  Own the fact that you deserve MORE…” and, then, the moment you begin to own your worth and your value and the fact that you deserve MORE, you start to live that way inside AND outside of your business.

You stop settling for clients you don’t want and projects you hate to have to work on and tasks in your business that you should’ve outsourced to a virtual assistant YEARS ago.  You stop doing what doesn’t work for you.  You stop accepting less than you deserve and your business starts to grow in new and exciting ways… because you are growing in new and exciting ways.  It’s an evolution that could not have occurred as fast or as completely without the heartbreak.  You needed the pain to get the point.  Hope helps you understand that EVERYTHING happens FOR you, not to you.  It is your choice to grow and flourish… and hope helps you choose growth…

The 5 gifts of heartbreak have the power to build your business to heights you cannot imagine.  When heartbreak happens to you, don’t turn away from it or make excuses about it or get angry because it’s happening again.  Embrace the experience.  Learn from the process.  Feel your way to healing and, as you do all of that, continue to put your passion, purpose and desire into every business activity you do.

Your business does not need a break because you had a breakup.  In fact, it is right after a breakup that your business requires MORE of you, the REAL you that is now showing up because you’ve been broken open, broken free, and broken to the point of restoration.  Give yourself the room and the space to fully show up in your business and, more importantly, to fully show up for YOU.

That was the point of the heartbreak.  It is your gift AND your lesson.  Accept them both…

If you need help dealing with fears that get and keep you stuck, if you’re ready to go from fear to power, sign up for my Fear to Power course.  It will transform your fear, reveal your courage, and skyrocket your business.

–>CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED<– 

 

 

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I Chose Us But You Chose You: How Women Entrepreneurs Deal With Infidelity (Read Time: 3 min.)

Unsplash 1I knew it was coming… For years, the writing had been on the wall…

You know exactly who I’m talking about: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick…

Yes, the Kardashians… and everyone could see the writing on the wall: Kourtney’s the stability, the security, the breadwinner, and the power entrepreneur.  Scott’s the younger, inept, aimless, addiction-prone partner who is clearly less ambitious, seriously suffering from an inferiority complex, and blatantly unhappy in the relationship… and now he’s been caught cheating.

I’m sad for the children.

I’m angered by the absolute disrespect.

I’m floored by the blatant disregard one person can have for his entire family…

And I’m heartbroken by the fact that Kourtney, as a woman entrepreneur who’s the breadwinner, is not the only woman entrepreneur going through something like this…

Just because her dirty laundry is on blast everywhere doesn’t mean she’s the only one.  There are far too many women entrepreneurs who have successful business lives but, at home, they are desperately waiting… to… exhale…

And it’s time that these powerful women entrepreneurs stopped the madness and did the one thing they’re afraid to do (the one thing Kourtney Kardashian is doing right now): begin again…

We’re so afraid to start over.  So afraid to begin again.  The fear is so great, in fact, that we’ll settle for less than what we deserve, hide behind facades that were never real, and pretend like everything’s great when nothing is.  It’s time to get real and get moving.  Starting over is tough but staying in a hopeless, heartless situation is even tougher.

If someone isn’t treating you right, it’s time to go.  If a situation (business or pleasure) doesn’t feel right, spend no time deliberating your intuition.  Listen and take action.  If you’re feeling lukewarm in your life and numb in your relationships, there’s some truth that you aren’t willing to look at.

And, if you’re in a Kourtney/Scott dead-end relationship that you know wasn’t built for you, it’s time to start over.  Don’t wait.  Don’t debate.  Let it go and get back to yourself… I know it’ll be tough (been there).  I know divorce is never fun (lived it).  I get that you, as the “successful” partner, may have so much to lose (emotionally, financially, etc.) but, if you stay, you have way more to lose that you can’t ever get back.

There is no amount of money that can buy back your self-respect, self-esteem and self-worth.  Nothing is worth losing your soul.

If you need help with starting over, check out my latest book- Begin Again: 32 Ways to Release the Fear of Starting Over.

In the meantime, listen to your gut.  Your intuition is never wrong…

Begin_Again_Cover

 

 

Why Your Relationship Should NEVER Be On Your To-Do List (Read Time: 2 min.)

Mark Semple EP 13As a woman entrepreneur, where does your relationship fall on your To-Do list?

How high does intimacy, cuddling, and great sex rank of your most important priorities sheet?

If you said, “No where”, you might be on to something…

In today’s episode of She Runs The Show, I had the pleasure of talking to Mark Semple, coach and creator of Successful Together Coaching.

We talked about everything relationship:

  • Why your partner doesn’t want to be another item on your priority list
  • How women entrepreneurs can support their partners in supporting them
  • What it takes to co-create a relationship you desire (not require) without the other person feeling disposable
  • What it takes to embrace your unfolding journey

You don’t want to miss this episode!

–>CLICK HERE to listen<– 

Who’s in Your Inner Circle? (Read Time: 3 min.)

women 1I saw my therapist today and she asked me a question that stumped me:

Who’s your social support system here in Los Angeles?

I didn’t know how to answer that question.  Other than my husband and my close friends (who all live out of state), I couldn’t think of more than one or two people in California (and none who live within driving distance) that I could have a hot chocolate with at Coffee Bean or plan a girls night out to the movies with.  It’s great to have close friends you can trust but when they live over a thousand miles a way, who do you connect with in person?  Oh yeah, you don’t…

And that’s when today’s blog topic was born.

Men know how to do this really well.  Even children get the idea of what I’m about to say but, for whatever reason, women (esp. women breadwinners) haven’t learned the art and science of creating AND maintaining an inner circle.

What’s an inner circle?

That core group of 3-5 women who get you, see you, love you, and truly desire the best for you.  They are the like-minded, equally ambitious, fervently loyal people in your life who will challenge you to step up to the plate, force you to take a breather, or inspire you to move in a new direction because they refuse to allow you to settle for less.  The more women work, the more this inner circle becomes dire.

One problem: we live in a technology driven world that makes a tweet more inviting than a live chat and we’ve become a society where we’d rather go it alone because getting together takes too much time.

Especially as women breadwinners, it’s time that we stopped that (I’m talking to me too here).  We need in person, live, physical connection with like minded people.  We need to have relationships that grow over time, that weather life’s storms, and we especially need those connections to be with women who understand where we are in our lives.  And the bottom line is this: it’s not going to happen over a tweet or an FB message.  It might start there but it certainly won’t develop there.  If what we want is a WHOLE life, we have to begin to cultivate and create those relationships that nourish, encourage, and inspire us.  It’s as critical to the quality of our lives as breathing.

So how do we begin?

Here are 3 things I’m going to start doing:

1) Join social groups where you’ll meet and connect with other like-minded women.  There’s a women’s running group that meets every Saturday that I’ve wanted to join for months and as soon as my Achilles tendon is cleared to go back and run, I’m going to start putting that on my Saturday schedule.

2) TALK to people in social environments like the grocery store, the book store, in a doctor’s office, or at the gym.  I am notorious for going into Equinox  with laser vision on one thing: my workout.  Maybe it’s time I started to actually look at other people and, oh my goodness, smile, engage in conversation.  What a revelation!

3) Join professional specific or age specific groups.  There are all sorts of Meetup groups for moms in their 30s or women lawyers or stay-at-home moms.  Finding a group and attending even one even can go a long way in developing those connections.

So let me ask you a question.

What will you do this week to create or develop your inner circle? 

I’d love to know…