Not because they don’t know your name… Not because they aren’t clear on what you asked for… And certainly not because they have difficulty hearing… BUT because they think you have some nerve asking for what you’re asking for… Ever have that happen?
Join the club! Although most people won’t say it using those exact words, there are lots of subtle ways that people will say to the woman breadwinner, “Where do you get off wanting that much, doing that much, being that much, asking for that much, pursuing that much?” and while you can quote “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”, one fact remains true:
It stings because you’ve worked hard to get where you are. It stings because you aren’t asking from a place of entitlement but a place of deserving. It stings because somewhere deep down inside, maybe just maybe you have an inner critic who plays that not enough/you-don’t-deserve-it card and the last place you need to hear it again is from your boss, your mother, your sibling, or, God forbid, your spouse…
So what do you do when you stand up in the world, ask for what you need, and have the world respond to you with something that says…
Don’t be too big for your britches!
You do three things:
- Remind yourself who you are. I AM are two of the most powerful words in the English language. When you find people telling you who you are NOT, you need to go in a closet or get in front of a mirror and start reminding yourself, OUT LOUD, who YOU REALLY are. What I mean is:
- I AM powerful!
- I AM prosperous!
- I AM strong!
- I AM capable!
- I AM diligent!
- I AM loving and lovable!
- I AM wonderfully made!
- I AM destined for greatness!
- I AM wise beyond measure!
- I AM deserving of my highest good!
- I AM wealthy!
- I AM fit and strong!
- I AM healthy!
- I AM focused!
- I AM determined!
- I AM worthy!
- Remember who this is REALLY about. Hurting people hurt people. When someone declares your unworthiness, they are really speaking about their own. As Don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, “Don’t taken ANYONE personally…” What they are saying to you is about them. People deflect and transfer their emotions and feelings on others as a defense mechanism, a way of not having to cope with their own crap. Do not take it personally.
- Reframe what the meaning of the encounter is. You may not get to choose what the other person said to you but you certainly get to choose what it means to you. Ask yourself, “If this situation was meant to build me up (instead of beat me up), what meaning would I give it? What lesson is here for me? How can I take what he/she said and leverage it for my success?” Barbara Corcoran tells a story about how what her ex-husband said to her as he was leaving her and splitting up their business catapulted her to strike out on her own and become a mega success. She could’ve taken his words as the signal of her demise. She didn’t do that. She reframed and ran with it. You can do the same. Check out Barbara’s video on how an insult made her an entrepreneur HERE.
I’d love your commentary on this.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone said (in some way, shape or form) “Who do you think you are?”?
How did you handle it?
If that were to happen again, how would you handle it differently?