“Going it alone is a value we hold in high esteem in our culture, ironically even when it comes to cultivating connection.”
For the woman breadwinner, the “going it alone” myth is even stronger. Combine the overachiever title with the breadwinning role and the fact that most women breadwinners still do most of the housework and you have a situation where a woman breadwinner is often telling herself, “Here I go again… handling EVERYTHING…” What’s even more ironic is that the same studies that show that women breadwinners still do most of the housework also so that it’s not due to a lack of willingness on the part of male partners… but an unwillingness on the part of women breadwinners to relinquish control… which leads me to an important question:
What do women breadwinners do when they’re tired of doing EVERYTHING?
5 simple steps:
- Get over the need that your way is the “right” way; there are at least 250 different ways to do dishes and AT LEAST 1000 ways to get any one thing done. You don’t have the market on the “right” way so let it go and be okay with good. Perfect isn’t for anybody.
- Separate what you’re great at from what your good at and let other people do the “good” stuff. Far too often, we try to do everything, even the things we suck at and the reason is borderline ridiculous: we want the street cred of saying, “I did it MY way.” Yeah, the glory doesn’t outlast the burn out. Stop that…
- Resign as Manager of the Universe. You do not know everything, cannot predict all things, and you do not have a magic ball to predict what will come next. Decide today that you don’t need to know everything before delegating or making decisions. Decide, do, and repeat.
- Take a day off. 24 hours. A full day… and not because you have the flu, bronchitis, pneumonia, or broke your leg. Take a day off voluntarily so you don’t have to experience something that forces you to take a break.
- Be okay with not getting everything off your To-Do list. Love To-Do lists! I have many calendars and reminders. But if it all doesn’t get done today, what’s the big deal? There isn’t one. Be okay with doing all you can and carrying things over to the next day… and the day after that… until it all gets done and you develop a new list.
At the end of the day, when you’re tired of doing everything, you have to be willing to both ask AND receive help. The only way you do it is by relinquishing control. Don’t worry about things not going as planned. They never do…